What NOT to do When Meeting with a New Therapist
Nicoleia Haris, BA
Client Relations Specialist
Meeting with a new therapist can be very intimidating, regardless of how approachable they may seem online or over the phone! Even with the most kind, gentle, and understanding therapists, it can be extremely nerve-wracking to meet with someone new. As the Client Relations Specialist here at Wellness Therapy of San Diego, I have the pleasure of speaking with clients and therapists daily. From someone who hears about both the client experience with new therapists as well as therapists’ experiences with new clients, here are some tips for what to do, and what not to do when meeting with a new therapist.
You should begin by being proud of yourself for this achievement; you have made it past one of the hardest steps which is putting yourself out there, initiating therapy, and (re)starting your journey in the first place! Whether it be your first time in therapy, or just a new therapist, try to re-route your thinking to be a little excited rather than nervous. Although it will likely be difficult, you are about to experience a lot of growth from your time together!
Try to remind yourself that the things that are the most challenging in life usually end up teaching you the most. You are being very brave to meet with someone new, and stepping out of your comfort zone is usually very beneficial. Although it may be hard to open up to someone you are not fully comfortable with yet, try to open yourself up as much as possible in order to build your relationship. Remember that your therapist is there to help you and never to judge you.
Make sure that you are being honest with yourself, as well as your therapist. If you treat your sessions like an interview where you are trying to win your therapist over, you are likely being a little dishonest. You shouldn’t try to impress your new therapist, or have a goal of trying to get them to like you. Trust that if you tell your therapist the truth, the good and the bad, they will be much more able to help you.
If you have met with a therapist in the past, try not to compare your new journey to your old one. Each therapist practices differently, was educated differently, and in general every individual person is different! Even if they provide you with different advice or outlooks, try to consider their perspective and be open to trying new things. You can also ask your new therapist follow-up questions to understand why they may feel that way.
One of the most helpful things you can do is keep a therapy journal. After each session, you can write about your time together, what you learned, and what you may want to touch on next time. You will be able to reference this journal for reminders in your day-to-day life, and look back on your progress!
One of the most important things to remind yourself is that this doesn’t necessarily need to be permanent! Allow yourself time to mesh with your therapist, and try not to jump to any conclusions. If you have met with them many times and still feel uncomfortable, it is okay if you are not a good fit for one another. Not every two people will be compatible, and that is okay. It may be a little discouraging to accept, but it is better to be aware and take the necessary steps than to force yourself to continue meeting with a therapist you are uncomfortable with. It will surely take time and patience to be fully comfortable with one another, but make sure there is at least some progress between you and your therapist over time. If you feel like someone else may be a better fit for you, that is also brave to recognize and work toward! If you and your new therapist are not a good fit or feel the need to try again, either way, you are making long-term strides to better yourself. Sometimes it is a matter of trial and error to find what is best for you.
Overall, keep an open mind when meeting with a new therapist. Try not to feel disheartened if you are not meshing straight away- while you are building your relationship, you are simultaneously working on yourself which is very tricky. Be patient, and do the necessary work in and out of your sessions to ensure that you are making progress. Try to build trust with your therapist, be honest with them, and be proud of yourself.
Hopefully with these tips, meeting with a new therapist will be a little bit more exciting than stressful :)